Lack of Concentration and Peanut Butter Toast...

This blog needs a better title. I am sitting here on a perfect lazy Sunday, with tons to do but not wanting to do any of it. The sun is shining and I am not able to concentrate on anything, my mind is elsewhere. I have a million things to do: Chop wood, write a really meaningful blog, read one of the hundred books I have but not yet read. If I was really ambitious I would paint the bathroom and finish the tile that I have been putting off for months and months. None of it feels right. I don't want to be doing any of it but I don't know what it is I want to do. I want to be doing something else with someone else. This is not something I can put into words. I hate it when I don't have the right words.

My house is cold. My feet are cold and the tip of my nose is cold. So now I have a fire in the wood stove. This should at least help the cold nose.

Maybe it's that I have nothing "important" to do. No blind dates to go on or funerals to attend to. Nothing important. I am restless.

I love peanut butter toast. It is warm and good. It is comforting. I am now full of peanut butter toast and milk, and still I am restless. Not everything needs to be important I guess. Not everyday needs to be groundbreaking.

The sun is now going down over the island and it will be dark soon and I am still restless. After church I went to the park. It was beautiful and cold. I enjoyed an egg nog latte and sat with coworkers who happened to be there. They left and I began to read, and then my restlessness started. Since I wasn't getting anything done so I went home. To do nothing... and be restless.

I want something to come along... It has taken 2 hours to write 350 words.

The bay looks nice with the light shining on the water. It is peaceful.

Actually, It is not what I am doing it is that I am alone. I don't think that I want to be alone, but I have spent all day alone and I didn't want to be alone. It is not that I wanted to be with just anyone. I spend each day with people... but not the people I choose. They are not bad people, in fact some of them are people I care about, but not just who I wanted to spend the day with.

The one who I wanted to spend the day with was not around. I don't know why I to be around her. I don't really even know her. I wonder if I have her attention? I wonder if she wants to be around me too?

Sitting here is no fun... Waiting is no fun... Wanting to make a move and not getting the chance is no fun.. I want her to like me or to tell me that she doesn't so I can get over it and move on....

I hate being ignored. And not having contact is making me feel ignored and that makes me feel restless. So now I found my restlessness. We'll see what happens... I feel better, it must be the toast.